Why do we struggle so badly when we try to give things up? My uncle Peter fought all his life, albeit rather half heartedly, to overcome the dreaded booze. I think he managed a year or so sometime in the 1970s when we were on holiday in Devon. Eventually, it sent him and most of his family and neighbors mad.
There are entire industries built around stopping smoking, cutting down or stopping drinking, quitting drugs and eating less unhealthy food. But why is it all so terribly difficult for us. Why didn't my old uncle Pete just stop? It's not like he didn't know what was happening or had a shortage of direct harmful consequences; most of the time his life was imploding.
After working for many years in drug and alcohol clinics where "giving things up" was the main focus of every day, I became really aware of an odd paradoxical situation. The more people talked about giving things up, the more difficult it seemed to become...surely it should be the other way around. Surely talking about things makes it clearer, doesn't it?
It was not until I came across the pioneering work of psychologist Daryl Bem and his enlightened "Reactance Theory" that this dilemma began to make sense. Reading through his work I was reminded of the many hours spent listening to people in clinics and the struggles they faced in "giving things up".
The ideas that form the basis of Reactance Theory take on two main themes:
The first idea is that when we are faced with having something taken away from us, whether it's cigarettes, alcohol or chocolate we develop thoughts and behaviors to regain our "perceived" threatened autonomy. In other words, we don't function very well when it feels like things are taken away...we want to be in control and decide for ourselves what we can have and what we can't have. We get mixed up...it begins to feel that instead of consciously deciding not to eat or drink something, that instead, it is being taken away from us, just like sweets from a naughty child. We forget that we are the ones choosing not to eat the sweets, smoke the cigarettes and in Uncle Pete's case drink the booze.
The second theme he talks about, Daryl Bem that is, not my Uncle Pete, (although I'm sure he would if he were both alive and had a few beers down him), is the exaggerated pleasure we falsely associate with whatever it is that has been taken away. In other words, we begin to believe the things that have been taken away from us were better than they actually were.
So, to counteract these powerful conscious and not so conscious goings on, there are two things to remind yourself of when giving up (or cutting down) alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, chocolate, sweets and cakes.
Firstly, it is your choice. You really do have a choice of whether you cut down, stop or carry on; nobody is taking anything away. It's your decision...nobody else's.
Secondly, keep in perspective what it actually is that you are choosing not to do any more. Write down exactly what these things give you. Don't exaggerate, be open and truthful and look at the pros and the cons and refer back to this once you have made your decision to give things up.
Giving up or cutting down is not easy but these two things will make it that little bit easier to get going.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alexander_Gunn There are entire industries built around stopping smoking, cutting down or stopping drinking, quitting drugs and eating less unhealthy food. But why is it all so terribly difficult for us. Why didn't my old uncle Pete just stop? It's not like he didn't know what was happening or had a shortage of direct harmful consequences; most of the time his life was imploding.
After working for many years in drug and alcohol clinics where "giving things up" was the main focus of every day, I became really aware of an odd paradoxical situation. The more people talked about giving things up, the more difficult it seemed to become...surely it should be the other way around. Surely talking about things makes it clearer, doesn't it?
It was not until I came across the pioneering work of psychologist Daryl Bem and his enlightened "Reactance Theory" that this dilemma began to make sense. Reading through his work I was reminded of the many hours spent listening to people in clinics and the struggles they faced in "giving things up".
The ideas that form the basis of Reactance Theory take on two main themes:
The first idea is that when we are faced with having something taken away from us, whether it's cigarettes, alcohol or chocolate we develop thoughts and behaviors to regain our "perceived" threatened autonomy. In other words, we don't function very well when it feels like things are taken away...we want to be in control and decide for ourselves what we can have and what we can't have. We get mixed up...it begins to feel that instead of consciously deciding not to eat or drink something, that instead, it is being taken away from us, just like sweets from a naughty child. We forget that we are the ones choosing not to eat the sweets, smoke the cigarettes and in Uncle Pete's case drink the booze.
The second theme he talks about, Daryl Bem that is, not my Uncle Pete, (although I'm sure he would if he were both alive and had a few beers down him), is the exaggerated pleasure we falsely associate with whatever it is that has been taken away. In other words, we begin to believe the things that have been taken away from us were better than they actually were.
So, to counteract these powerful conscious and not so conscious goings on, there are two things to remind yourself of when giving up (or cutting down) alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, chocolate, sweets and cakes.
Firstly, it is your choice. You really do have a choice of whether you cut down, stop or carry on; nobody is taking anything away. It's your decision...nobody else's.
Secondly, keep in perspective what it actually is that you are choosing not to do any more. Write down exactly what these things give you. Don't exaggerate, be open and truthful and look at the pros and the cons and refer back to this once you have made your decision to give things up.
Giving up or cutting down is not easy but these two things will make it that little bit easier to get going.
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